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Condoms get a bad rap. Despite being around since the dawn of time (well, modern condoms were invented in the 1800s) and being a pretty reliable and safe way to prevent pregnancy and STIs, their use has been on the decline since roughly 2015.
I think most people would agree that the trend isn’t a positive one. CDC data suggest that STI rates hit an all-time high in 2019 for the sixth consecutive year in a row.
One of the reasons people may not be that into condoms is they are using the wrong type or size. Yes, fit matters! (When was a one-size-fits-all approach ever a good idea for anything?) If a condom is too small, it’s more likely to break. On the other hand, if it’s too large, there could be spillage or it may simply fall off.
According to Melissa White, founder and CEO of fit-focused condom purveyor Lucky Bloke, only about 50% of people with penises should be wearing a medium or standard-fit condom, which is about 90% of what you’ll see on the shelves in conventional retail stores.
Another 30% to 35% require a snugger, more secure fit, and the remaining 10% to 15% may need a larger size or Magnum condom. And no, condom size is not actually related to length, so put away your ruler or measuring tape. Instead, grab an empty toilet paper roll and measure for girth (if it fits nicely in there, you’re likely a standard fit; too tight and you should go larger, too much space and you should go smaller).
Though it may be tempting for people with penises to grab a box of Magnums more as a status symbol than for actual need, experts strongly advise against using condoms that are too big.
People probably aren’t talking enough about condoms
All too often sex education in general is a fail in the US, and that can certainly apply to knowledge about condoms, said Ashley Townes, a postdoctoral research associate at the CDC who focuses on sexual health. A stigma against buying the correct size condom may be particularly pervasive in teenage boys who simply don’t know any better.
Townes, who is a former sex educator, explained how most people aren’t learning everything they need to know about choosing and using the right condom.
“You get one lesson to talk about contraceptives, and condoms are only a sliver of all the different contraceptives available,” she said. “You don’t have a lot of time to dive into it, so it can be challenging even as an educator to really go in depth about, How do you choose one that fits? How do you choose one that feels good for you?”
And the sliver of information that her students received about condom use is more than some people get, including those at schools where sex ed isn’t covered at all.
“Sex education isn’t mandatory across the United States,” said Éva Goicochea, founder of sexual wellness company Maude. “Even if it is, it’s not always medically accurate, and so what ends up happening is that when they’re teaching about condoms, often they’re not able to open them in the classroom, so it’s harder to talk about how to use them.”
Condom use has fallen out of the conversation a bit as focus has shifted to consent and sexual assault prevention, social demographer Laura Lindberg said.
“What we see in sex education and health education more generally is as certain topics rise in importance, there’s less space and time to talk about other things that used to be discussed because nobody’s expanding the amount of time,” she said.
A 2021 study in the Journal of Adolescent Health of 2,291 college students found that people were more comfortable talking with partners about consent than condom use or STI prevention.
“In my era, I was literally the first group who was getting the, Here’s a banana. Here’s a condom. This is important because everyone around you could have HIV,” Lindberg said. “Now the first talk you get your freshman week on a college campus is about consent. But they’re not doing two talks, so you don’t get space to talk about condoms.”
Finding the right condom can equal better sex
One perk of wearing a properly fitting condom is that it’s also going to feel better, likely for both partners.
“A common response we get is that using a condom will interfere with your pleasure,” said Lindberg, who is also a principal research scientist at the Guttmacher Institute, referring to the answers they get on their surveys. “I think we need to be honest that it may interfere with people’s sexual pleasure, and here are steps you can take to improve that.”
Aside from finding the right fit, Lindberg had one main piece of advice when it comes to making sex with condoms feel better: “Lubricate, lubricate, lubricate.”
Townes agreed, noting that people often don’t want to use lubricant even though it can increase pleasure and reduce the feeling of the condom itself. White added that using lubricant also makes the condom more effective from a safety perspective.
“Latex condoms in particular are naturally drying,” White said. “So your receiving partner is going to dry out at some point, which makes the condom less safe.”
White recommends putting a few drops inside the condom and a generous amount on the outside to help both parties feel more pleasure and reduce friction to maximize safety. Townes also recommended trying compatible sex toys with your condom to spice things up, like a vibrating cock ring or an external vibrator that won’t interfere with the effectiveness of the condom.
People are still using condoms, just not often enough
Despite the fact that there’s less consistency in condom use today than there was 10 years ago, Lindberg feels it’s important to recognize how far we’ve come in making condoms more socially acceptable. Her research shows that condom use at first intercourse has gone up dramatically, and 9 out of 10 sexually active teenagers have used a condom at some point.
“There aren’t declines in contraceptive use overall,” Lindberg said. “So young people are replacing condom use with other methods of contraception, and I think that speaks to the increased availability and awareness of long-acting reversible contraceptive methods like the pill.”
As great as it is that there are so many other contraceptive methods available, only condoms can protect against both STIs and pregnancy. Depending on your access to healthcare, condoms may also be easier to get since they don’t require a prescription and are relatively inexpensive. That can be particularly appealing if you’re not having consistent sex and don’t want to be on a contraceptive all the time. And on a very basic level, they make sex less messy.
Some may question their effectiveness, but Lindberg assured that the best way for a condom to fail is to not use it. (In truth, condoms are 98% effective at preventing pregnancy when used correctly.)
If you find you have barriers to buying condoms IRL, such as a fear of judgmental drugstore clerks or running into your old English teacher, this guide should help.
All of these condoms are available online for an embarrassment-free buying experience.
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